My husband’s birthday is next week, which means I’ve been thinking about birthday ideas for a while now. This also means that I’ve been thinking about how grateful I am to call him my husband, which inspired me to write this mushy, heartfelt blog post about him.

Best friends

Not everyone gets to call their husband their best friend, but my husband truly is my best friend. We’ve been married for almost 4 years and we get along unbelievably well. We share many of the same hobbies, which leads to quality time together enjoying those hobbies. Of the hobbies that we don’t share, we encourage and appreciate each other’s separate interests. During our 2nd year of marriage, we welcomed a puppy into our family and we just welcomed another one this past September. We share a strong bond over loving and caring for our two furbabies.

Of course there’s so much more to talk about, but when it comes down to it, my spouse really is my best friend. Sadly, many married couples can’t say that and I am beyond thankful that I can.

Husbands see what happens behind closed doors

Although I feel like I was never really happy with my body growing up, my body image journey didn’t really begin until the year before we got married. Before we got married, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis and as a result, I gained a significant amount of weight. This sent me into a very unhealthy relationship with food and my body. My eating became very disordered, I abused exercise, I starved myself, and I weighed myself daily. Reflecting on that part of my life, I can clearly see how I was quickly on my way to an eating disorder. If you want to read more about that personal journey, click here.

Once we got married, I brought this huge battle into our marriage. Although my husband already knew about my struggles before we got married, I don’t think he quite understood the level of my struggles and pain until after we got married. Husbands see what happens behind closed doors.

Bringing my husband into my battle with disordered eating and poor body image was the best thing I could have ever done. There’s no one else that understands my struggles like he does. There’s no one else that supports me through my battle like he does. I honestly would not be where I am in my journey if it wasn’t for his support.

Sometimes it’s not about the words you say, but the actions you take

I can remember many times over the past years spent together that my husband was there for me when I was at my breaking point. It’s not the words I remember, but how he reacted.

  • I remember coming home from one of my college nutrition classes pouring tears. In class, we had to get weighed in front of classmates and I was mortified because I still hadn’t come to terms with my Hashimoto’s weight gain. I also had to have my waist circumference and fat percentage calculated alongside my classmates. I remember coming home crying both angry and sad tears. I remember my husband holding me on the floor while I had a complete breakdown. I remember him just simply listening to me spill all of my feelings and pain. He made me feel validated.
  • I remember coming inside after a day on the beach while on vacation. All I could say was “I feel so fat. I hate my body. I need to lose weight. How could I let myself get like this? Why am I wearing this bathing suit? I need to lose weight before I can wear it again. I hate my stomach.” I was in such a bad mental state but what I remember the most is my husband being there. He was there to hold me while I fell apart. He was always there.
  • I remember time and time again when we would come home from spending time with family and I would break down. I would talk about how our family must think I’m disgusting and unhealthy. How they must think I’m less of a person because I gained weight instead of losing it. How they must think it’s stupid that I’m studying to be a dietitian when I can’t even control my own weight. How they have no idea what’s really going on with me and my health. I remember he was always there to hold me while I cried and spilled my feelings. He always listened. He always comforted.
  • I remember when I came back from a doctor’s appointment. During the appointment, I intentionally didn’t look at my weight when the nurse weighed me. However, that didn’t work because the doctor brought it up during my checkup. She asked why I had gained a couple of pounds. She was pointed and rude. I wanted so badly to tell her that I stopped starving myself and stopped abusing exercise. I remember coming home, weighing myself in our bathroom, and bursting into tears over the number. I remember sitting on my husband’s lap, wrapped in his arms, and crying into his shoulder because I felt so helpless and broken. I remember feeling so much better after opening up to him and letting him comfort me.

Words also matter

I can’t begin to describe how thankful I am for my husband’s thoughtful and supportive actions throughout my body image journey. However, I am also thankful for what he has said. Here are some examples:

  • Countless times I remember him telling me that the number on the scale didn’t matter; that the number didn’t impact what kind of person I was or how he loved me. The number was meaningless.
  • Although I blow it off every time he compliments me (I’m working on that), he never hesitates to tell me that I’m beautiful. He knows how to compliment my appearance while also not being wrapped up in external aspects.
  • I know this sounds cheesy and cliché, but I know that my husband will love me the same, no matter how my body changes. He has made that very clear. As women, we tend to shrug off those comments and ignore them, but they really do mean a lot and we should take them to heart.
  • If I ever say that I’m not loving the way I look, he’s always quick to tell me that I don’t need to change a thing and I’m beautiful the way I am.
  • One thing my husband would never say is that he wishes I looked a certain way. He would never encourage me to diet, lose weight, or work out for aesthetic reasons.
  • Over the past 2 years, as I passionately dove into Intuitive Eating, Health at Every Size, body acceptance, weight inclusivity, and other non-diet approaches to health, he has said nothing but words of encouragement. Not only does he encourage me through my journey, he takes interest in the topics. He takes the time to learn about my passions in the realm of nutrition and health. He has heated conversations with me about weight stigma and dieting. He is a true supporter and encourager.

An endless journey

We have come so far on this journey and I can’t imagine anyone else by my side as I take on this fight indefinitely. I can now proudly say that I don’t struggle with poor body image at the level I used to and I learn to love myself more each day. However, since body image is a never-ending battle, I know I can go to my husband for support and comfort when I need it. I know that he understands my struggles better than anyone. I know that he will always be there for me. Always.

Thanks for reading,

Rachel Beiler, MHS, RD, LDN